So you really want to know more about me and my magickal experiences?
If not, this is your last chance to turn back. :)
My first contact with magick was when I was 12 years old. I have never
been very afraid of anything, but being unable to defend my friends,
and this is the worst thing that has ever happened to me.
In sleep I entered the astral planes, by accident, and it was first when I
woke up later that I discovered that what had happened was more than just a
dream. Unfortunately the place I stumbled upon was not a pleasant one
and I was noticed by and attacked by a demonlord, who apparently wanted to
play with me before finishing me off.
I found myself being on my school yard, only the place being slightly different
than I remembered it. The place was being under attack by a large dark demon
who seemed to burn, and threw fireballs everywhere destroying buildings and
killing people.
Everywhere where people I knew screaming, burning and dying,
and everyone was running for a large portal positioned on the graveyard next to
our school, that was leading into some other dimension.
My three best friends where armed with swords and told me to run for the portal,
they would fight the demon off. Within me I knew that they where all going to die
and that the demon would destroy everyone.
I also knew that the only one who could stop the demon was me, but I was
terrified and afraid beyond all control.
I ran for the portal and beyond me I saw my friends die in fire.
The demon now turned for me and trapped me. He told me to gather seven stones
in a pyramid before he had counted to hundred or he would destroy me.
Afraid as never before I started to gather the stones, still knowing deep
within me that I could destroy the demon if I could just find the courage.
The stones somehow refused to form a pyramid and always when I came to the
last stone the whole pyramid would fall, and I would have to start over again
more frightened than before. I was frigthened beyond all belief and my thoughts
where dimming.
The demon laughed all the time at my weakness and my tries that seemed to lead
nowhere and suddenly he started to talk again:
You simple human, you have failed and I have grown tired of you. Die.
And he raised his hands gathering more power than I'd seen him do before and
fired of a ball of flames right at me.
In the last second I gathered strength and concentrated. The ball of fire
touched my flesh in the same moment as the surroundings started to fade
away. I woke up back in my bed. My chest was hot as hell and I had marks
on it that looked like I had been burned (wich I had).
Next to me in the bed laid a small stone.
Some days later I told my best friend about this strange "dream". Instead
of beleiving me, he listened and said nothing. Later he told everyone in the
class and they all laughed at me.
In fury over my best friends betrayal I ran away for myself and cursed him.
I cursed him with the worst death I could imagine, and a long painful one at
that.
Half an hour later my ex-bestfriend was having a real pain in his stomach and
a high fever, he puked blood while he told me he was sorry about what he had
done before. My curse on him was being fulfilled.
As you might understand I weren't particulary happy about what I had done
and after he had been sent home from school, I went away for myself, crying
and trying to undo the horrible thing I had done.
Believe me, no mather what a person has done to you, you wouldn't stand
living with yourself being guilty of doing that to him.
I somehow managed to draw the curse back and on this event I seem to
have put some kind of a block on my magick abilities.
I kept away from everything that concerned magick for three years and even
became an atheist, not confessing any god or godess.
On 21 of december about three years later, my whole world suddenly changed
again. The godess, I believe, came to me and from there after I started to
see the world clear again.
I became a vegetarian and has been since then and I started working with
magick again. Now I where more carefull always to be in control of myself
and to not work with magick when I was angry.
I started to learn more about how to look into the future, and how to
work with the elements, Earth, Water, Air and Fire.
I pretty soon found out that it was harder to work magick under control
than I would have ever thought, and that there was so much to keep in mind.
So totally different from when I had worked Impulsively with magick before.
A year ago, I found some texts about pagans and wiccans on internet.
Before then I had thought myself to be alone about my ways and my beliefs,
and it came as a great joy to me to find that there were others walking
the same path. I knew that I was not alone, as I had thought before
and my search for people to share experiences with began.
I found the wicca channel on irc but unfortunately I couldn't find anyone
who lived close to me... Most of the people where from USA and those few
from Sweden that I found was from Stockholm, far away from where I live.
Some days ago (today being 23/11-97) I decided to write down some of what
I have discovered and to put it on the web in order to help others
to not do the same mistakes as I have and to give you some advice on
how to develop your skills in magick.
Finally a word of advice, Never listen to or read anything without thought and
concideration. Always trust yourself, and take to you that wich feels right.
If there is something in these texts that you do not feel right about,
then simply do not practice it and follow your own beliefs.
I do not wish to force my beliefs or ways on you but merely help you on
your path. If you feel wrong about what I write then do not follow it,
but please consider every word and take to you that which feels right.
Blessed be and walk in the light with my love
Myrradin
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